Touch the Dark by Karen Chance

Cassie Palmer is a clairvoyant who was raised by a vampire mob boss.

It sounded like a good idea when I first bought the book. And probably could have been if not for some glaring annoyances that I just couldn't get past.

To Chance's credit, she did tweak vampire lore a bit and make it her own; debunking the Christian/Stoker ideology that we've all grown so used to... can't go out in the sunlight, garlic is like poison, the demon that has replaced their soul makes them fear (sometimes even burn in the presence of) holy relics... and creating a semi-unique world for Cassie and her team of undead.

Now... to the complaints...

For starters, while there is nothing wrong with adults reading Harry Potter or similar stories, Touch the Dark is an adult novel. Not XXX Adult (although it does take a couple of detours into a R rating), but definitely not intended for the 12 to 16 category. However, enchanted window locks that scream when a hostage tries to open said window...very Harry Potter in context. Little annoyance, and it did go away after only one appearance...

Which leads me to my next complaint. There was just too much going on for one book. Chance really needed to make the story of Cassandra Palmer at least a trilogy, if not a series. As it was, she crammed too much information into a dimestore paperback and the end result was a lot of unanswered questions and dangling threads.

I'm never quite sure how much of the plot to "give away" in these reviews but basically, you start out reading one story, about a clairvoyant in her twenties who lived with a vampire mob until she was 16, at which time she ran away. Now the Boss has a price on her head and that's where we pick up Cassie's story.

But... about two thirds of the way through the book...yes, two thirds... the whole thing shifts and we find out that Cassandra isn't just a name that Chance plucked from the baby name book. Following a brief and somewhat muddled Greek mythology lesson, we learn that the Pythia of Delphi is an ongoing "title," as it were. As one Pythia grows old ("old" here means 2-300 years) a sybil is chosen and trained to take up the mantle when the current Pythia dies. And this is where I stop sharing the plot, for fear of giving away something important.

And my final, major complaint is...It's not uncommon for dark fantasy authors to speculate about famous (or infamous) figures from history. How many times have you read that Elvis was an alien and he didn't die, he just went home? Jack the Ripper a vampire (or nobleman, or both)? Sure! Why not? Karen Chance, however, took this plot device to a whooooooooooole new level of absurdity. Special guest stars in Touch the Dark include Cleopatra (the asp was actually a vampire), Dracula's two sons (Mircea and Radu), a Frenchman named Louis-Cesar who was turned in the seventeenth century (put that one together on your own; I did), Raphael, Rasputin, and Jack the Ripper.

Final judgment... good premise, not a bad story but way over the top, sometimes to the point of distracting.

Doctor Who - Season 5.... Almost to the end

As we near the end of season 5 (or "series" as they say it in the Doctor's homeland), I feel I am a little more qualified to "review" the Eleventh Doctor than I was in the beginning. A little less "knee-jerk," a little more informed opinion this time around.

While I still don't "love" Matt Smith the way I did David Tennant, I have to say the kid has spunk. The production team promised that the adventures we went on with this newest Doctor would be darker and more terrifying than in the past and I am seeing that prophecy come to fruition. Definitely darker, if not more terrifying.

I've chosen to do this now, after the airing of episode 9, rather than at the end of the season, because I am hoping for big things from the season finale, episode 13, and with that hope I carry the hope of something worthy of writing about here.

Basically, as I said, I'm not in love with Smith but he has earned my trust and respect as a Time Lord. And Karen Gillan, Miss Amy Pond, is definitely pulling her weight. If I am not in love with Eleven, I am most definitely in love with Amy Pond. That girl has more than earned her stripes (as I am two episodes ahead of my friends here in the States, I'm trying to avoid sharing spoilers...suffice it to say you may find yourself cursing the writers in a couple of weeks).

Next week is the obligatory "celebrity guest" week, where the Doctor and his companion find themselves elbow to elbow with a shining star from the Earth's history. This season it is Vincent VanGogh so that should be interesting to watch.

Doctor Who - Season 5 - less "review" more "opinionated editorial commentary"

Well, fellow Whovian Spoonbenders, I just finished watching the Beast Below, episode two of season five of the British sci-fi action dramedy Doctor Who. Season five brings with it mixed feelings of sadness and eager anticipation with the introduction of the Eleventh Doctor.

I waited until I had watched a second episode with the 26-year-old Matt Smith (this is important only because it marks the point in the show's history where I am older than the Doctor...in fact, had his mother waited another five days, we'd be exactly two years apart in age...but I digress)...I waited until I had watched a second episode with Matt Smith in the role before really forming an opinion. After all, I am one of those who helped to make David Tennant the most popular Doctor in the show's 37 year history. I wasn't at all ready to let him go.

Matt Smith has his work cut out for him, to make me love him. He doesn't exactly make me want to lay on an anthill, as I feared he might, but I don't love him, yet. I do, however, think I kind of love Amy Pond, the Doctor's newest companion (played by Karen Gillan). I can't quite put my finger on it but she's definitely got some qualities that are winning me over after saying such a heart wrenching farewell to previous companions, and after falling head over feet for Lady Christina de Souza (played by Michelle Ryan in the episode Planet of the Dead) and hoping that she was going to be the next companion.

I still say the bowtie has got to go...but I think I can get used to the Eleventh Doctor. I haven't seen enough yet to say whether or not I'll ever love him the way I did Ten but there's hope for the young man yet.

**EDIT** Five episodes down, eight more to go so I thought I'd stop back in and update my Spoonbending Whovians on my thoughts up to this point... Somewhere along the way, I heard from the powers that be behind the Doctor (I think it was Steven Moffat but don't hold me to that) that this new season/Doctor would be darker and in some cases scarier than the show has been in the past. And having been revisited by the Weeping Angels in a stellar two-part episode that culminated tonight (if you are watching in the UK...in the States you still have two weeks before the new Weeping Angels episode comes to a close...unless you are the staff of bending spoons or any number of other devout and internet savvy Whovians, then you are on the UK schedule despite your Yankee status)...Having been revisited by the Weeping Angels in a stellar two-part episode which culminated tonight, I have to agree. This season is definitely getting darker and scarier. There are still some little details about Matt Smith that I'm not crazy about but I don't hate him.

Alice in Wonderland (2010)

When a movie like Alice in Wonderland comes along, I have to take a few days to step back from it and let the wonder (*ahem*) wear off before I come on here and gush over how amazingly spectacular it was and how much I love love loved it. The truth of the matter is that I have loved Alice in Wonderland as a story for the bigger part of my life, seen eight or ten different versions, and when Tim Burton casually mentioned, four and a half years ago, that he'd love to get his hands on the story, I started watching every corner of the internet waiting for word that he had, in fact, gotten his hands on it. After all, I am convinced the man should be considered for god status.

I've been glued to every word of news about this project since roughly August of last year so as I approached the ticket window Saturday morning my nerves began to flutter. What if it doesn't live up to the hype I've given it in my own mind? What if it's not amazingly spectacular?

Repeat after me. Thou shalt never doubt the Burton/Depp duet. They have yet to disappoint me. And Alice follows that pattern perfectly. But this time it wasn't Depp who wowed as the Mad Hatter, because I don't think anyone doubted he could make that work; nor did we doubt Helena Bonham-Carter (finishing the triad) could be a convincing evil queen. For me, the show stealing performance went to Crispin Glover as the Knave of Hearts. While such a small role in earlier visions of the story, this was a Return to Oz-esque rewrite and Glover was given a much larger role than I had expected for him. And whether he wear the white hat or the black hat, "George McFly" will always hold a special place in my heart.

Cliche' as it may be, the Cheshire Cat has long been one of my favorite characters in all of literature and Stephen Fry gave him a most delightful treatment. I don't think I could have been more pleased. Absolom, the Blue Caterpillar is given life by Alan Rickman, rounding out the star-studded cast. In case you hadn't figured out where I stand on this one...Run. Go. Now. See it. Several times.

The Lovely Bones

It's taken me a little over a day to compose my thoughts to a point where I can give this the effort that it requires. Based on the 2002 novel by Alice Sebold, the Lovely Bones was directed by Peter Jackson (the Lord of the Rings trilogy) and stars Saoirse Ronan, Mark Whalberg, Rachel Weisz and Stanley Tucci.

Saorise Ronan plays the main character, Susie Salmon, who also narrates the story as a memory. The story revolves around the life, death and afterlife of Susie Salmon, as she first struggles with the trials of a 14-year-old girl and then with the notion that she's been murdered. Her father, Jack Salmon, (Whalberg) also struggles to find closure and justice for the death of his daughter and the two help each other find what they are looking for throughout the course of the story.

Let me take a step away from this for a moment to say that I haven't read the book so I have only the film upon which to form my opinion. I have heard that the book is "wonderful" and "terrifying" so I may have to give it a whirl....when I'm finished with the waist-deep stack of other "to-be-reads" that I have waiting for me already. But the movie did not bring to my mind words like "wonderful" or "terrifying." It was sad, but by no means a tear-jerker (although there were others in the theater who would disagree with me).

In true Peter Jackson fashion, the imagery was incredible. The "in-between," where Susie is "stuck" is actually something out of my own dreams (or nightmares, in some cases). The colors are vivid and striking where vivid and striking are appropriate but stunningly monochromatic where they weren't.

Brevity, however, is not Jackson's strong point. Even the Frighteners was a two-hour adventure. I bring this up only because there are long movies and there are movies that feel long and at 2 hours and 15 minutes, The Lovely Bones was both. I found myself begging for the end. And yet, I'm still not 100% decided that I didn't like it. I definitely don't think it will be one that I will buy at full price for my collection but maybe if I find it in the $3 bargain bin....

So, that's it. That's what I've come up with in my 28 hours of pondering and chewing. I've come up with nothing. I still don't know whether or not I enjoyed the film and am definitely unclear on whether I should see it a second time. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

Where the Wild Things Are

Produced by Maurice Sendak and directed by Spike Jonze, this film has been taunting and teasing me for months. I loved the book - who didn't? And I love Jonze's previous work, including but not limited to Fat Boy Slim's Weapon of Choice video staring Christopher Walken. And I am here now, a week late, to tell you all what I thought of it.

First, please don't misunderstand... this is not a children's movie. It is based on a children's book and it is by no means inappropriate for children. But it was created for the generation (mine) who grew up with the Wild Things, not for the generation who are just discovering them. The overall tone of the film is very melancholy, even in the happy, raucous scenes there is a shadow lurking in the background...you just know that the happy moment is going to go sour.

As with so many things in our lives, "it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt." In the opening sequence, our hero Max engages some of his older sister's friends in a snowball fight and all are having a terrific time until one of the older kids dives, feet first, into Max's igloo which he worked very hard to create and was, as a result, very proud of. The igloo is destroyed along with Max's feelings.

And this isn't the only scene of its kind. There are at least three more moments where everyone is having a grand old time that is ruined by someone getting to serious.

Don't get me wrong. It was a beautiful film. Sendak made a terrific decision with Jonze. But my recommendation for parents is to see it before your kids. Know, before taking your kids to see it, what they are seeing. Like I said before, it's not inappropriate but for a few of the angrier, more destructive scenes, but it is not one that I give a recommend for kids, 110%.

Rental Recommendation: Wristcutters: A Love Story

Wow! Totally not what I thought that was about. So here's the premise. Suicides don't go to Hell. They go to this kind of parallel world where they have jobs and crappy apartments and singles bars but no one ever smiles. I had no idea that that was what this movie was about when I Netflixed it (Netflix is also a verb, boys and girls) but I liked it.

Finally a positive review. I have been pretty cynical and negative in my reviews lately and I was beginning to think it was something wrong with me rather than something wrong with the entertainment industry but Wristcutters has reassured me that it is indeed that the movies suck, there is nothing wrong with me.

Zia (who is a male, FYI and played by Patrick Fugit) is jilted by his girlfriend, Desiree, and slits his wrists in the opening sequence of the film. We catch up with him after he has been in the world of suicides for several months. He is seated at a bar where he is approached by Azura Skye who tells him that she and her friend have a game wherein they try to figure out how various bar patrons "offed themselves." He follows her back to her table with her friend where they meet Eugene (Shea Whigham) who bets they can't figure out how he died. The girls leave without figuring it out and he reveals to Zia that he was a musician in life and electrocuted himself by pouring beer on his guitar.

From there we watch the friendship between Zia and Eugene develop until one day Zia learns that his beloved Desiree is also in their world and the two set out to find her, which is the meat of the story.

It's actually a very well written and rather cute story with a happy ending (a legitimate and deserved happy ending not a force-fed Disney ending).

I absolutely recommend Wristcutters: A Love Story to anyone looking for a good, positive, cute indie flick.